HOROSCOPE

AQUARIUS (January 20 - February 18). You have an inventive mind, and are
inclined to be progressive. You lie a great deal. On the other hand, you are
inclinded to be careless and impractical, causing you to make the same
mistake over and over again. People think you are stupid.

PISCES (February 19 - March 20). You have a vivid imagination, and often
think you are being followed by the CIA or FBI. You have minor influence
over associates and people resent you for your fluanting it at your peers.
You lack confidence, and are generally a coward. Pisces people do horrible
things to small animals.

ARIES (March 21 - April 19). You are the pioneer type, and hold most people
in contempt.  You are quick tempered, impatient and scornful of advice. You
are not very nice.

TAURUS (April 20 - May 20). You are practical and persistent. You have a
dogged determination and work like hell.  Most people think you are stubborn
and bull-headed. You are a Communist.

GEMINI (May 21 - June 20). You are quick and an intelligent thinker.  People
like you, because you are bisexual.  However, you are inclined to expect too
much for too little. This means you are cheap.  Geminis are known for
committing incest.

CANCER (June 21 - July 22). You are sympathetic and understanding to other
people's problems.  They think you are a sucker.  You are always putting
things off.  That's why you'll never make anyting of yourself, Most welfare
recipients are Cancer people.

LEO (July 23 - August 22). You consider yourself a born leader. Others think
that you are pushy. Most Leos are bullies. You are vain, and dislike
honest criticism. Your arrogance is disgusting. Leos are known
thieves.

VIRGO (August 23 - September 22). You are the logical type, to initiate
disorder. This nit-picking is sickening to your friends. You are cold and
emotional, and sometimes fall asleep while make love. Virgos make good bus
drivers.

LIBRA (September 23 - October 22). You are the artistic type, and have a
difficult time with reality. If you are a man, you more than likely are
queer. Chances for employment and monetary gains are excellent. Most Libra
women are good prostitutes. All Libras die of vinereal disease.

SCORPIO (October 23 - November 21). You are shrewd in business and cannot be
trusted.  You shall achieve the pinnacle of sucess, because of your total
lack of ethics. Most Scorpios are murdered.

SAGITTARIUS (November 22 - December 21). You are optimistic and
enthusiastic. You have a reckless tendency to rely on luck, since you lack
talent. The majority of Sagittarians are drunks or dope fiends. People laugh
at you a great deal.

CAPRICORN (December 22 - January 19). You are conservative and afraid of
taking risks. You don't do much of anything, and are lazy. There has never
been a Capricon of any importance. Capricorns should avoid standing still
too long, as they tend to take root and become trees.